once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
