I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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