i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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