you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize