i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
