Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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