Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
