Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
