Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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