she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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