Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
