Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
