I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont even know how to be here
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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