We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
