I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
