just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
