I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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