New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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