This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
3 2 1 whiskey
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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