If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
