he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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