That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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