Swine flu is the new snow day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize