Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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