i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
