i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
