dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
