i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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