SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
