Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
