everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
