I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
