i don't like sucking hair
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
