Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
