Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
