worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
