I wanna passion pit in your ass
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
