were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
