Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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