We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
