Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
