All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
