I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
