Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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