You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
they need to just BURY HIM!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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