it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
