When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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