Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
