My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
