i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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