you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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