Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
