I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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