yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
