The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
