just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
