somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
