you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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