so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
