I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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