Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
