I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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