took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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